Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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