Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
