But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
