She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
