you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize