I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
