So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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