but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
