Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
