Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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