Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
