I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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