She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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