also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The adults are the big ones right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
