Moan for me like Helen Keller
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize