I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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