Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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