there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
