so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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