GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
