apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
