i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
