I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
