nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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