All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
