just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
