If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
