You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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