I just gift wrapped bread.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
