Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
