I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
