Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I use my feet as sexual weapons
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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