I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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