There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
