Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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