I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
