So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
