So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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