just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
