I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
