why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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