Are we in a gay sports bar?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
