someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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