I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
