Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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