this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you never un-have a 4some
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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