Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
