i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
