i just identified you from a description of your pipe
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
