Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
