the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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