I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
