i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We are all done wearing pants today
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
