Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
