Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
