i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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