How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
