I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
time to smoke my breakfast
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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