Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
