my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
