Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
