i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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