I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I look better un-naked...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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