Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to calm my uterus...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
