I wish I could teleport
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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