whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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