hell yes lets make some ravioli
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Randomize
