Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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