She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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