You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
