Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
