got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
