Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
