I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
