Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
