Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
