woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
